Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Today I bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to paper.

I just had a reality check... it bounced.

Confucius says: He who sleeps like a baby does not have one.

What if oxygen is poisonous and just takes about 80 years to kill us?

I feel like getting some work done, so I'm lying down until the feeling passes.

Will my computer last five years? Obsoletely!

If I drop a cookie and pick it up, is that considered a squat?

Do not look at me in that tone of voice.

Chaos coordinator at your service.

I put the "pro" in procrastination.