Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist's gravestone. It read "He's now filling his last cavity."
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I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
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My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
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Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
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What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.
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Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
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Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears.
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You must agree, the shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
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I wouldn't say that my ceiling is the best, but it's up there.
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If you need an ark, I Noah guy.
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