Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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Those who are capable of tyranny are capable of perjury to sustain it.
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I like when you smile, but I love it when I'm the reason.
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I put my root beer in a square cup.
Now it's just beer.
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Maybe the mattress stores could tell us when they are NOT having a sale.
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Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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A guy was admitted to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach. His condition is stable.
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I love going outdoors.
It's much safer than going out windows.
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On the surface of things, whales are always blowing it.
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* puts a bunch of sparklers on the counter *
"How much for the angry incense?"
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I am studying Eastern Europe, but I may never Finnish.
I'm not Russian.
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