Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Why do speed walkers
look like kids who are told
not to run around the pool?
Everyone I know is a "snack getting stuck in a vending machine" away from total collapse.
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
I accidentally ran into a lamp post, but it was ok, I only suffered light injuries.
Tequila may not fix your life but its worth a shot.
You can't stay young forever, but you can be immature for the rest of your life.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
Do you know where Captain Hook bought his hook?
At the second hand store.
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don’t care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe!
Sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen told me I'm good.