Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.
The only thing I hate more than having a dirty house is cleaning.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."
Sure, I drank brake fluid. But I can stop anytime!
Sausage puns are the wurst.
I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.
2,000 mockingbirds is 2 kilomockingbirds.
Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least