Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

Hedgehogs – why can't they just share the hedge?

If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you're just late.

People say I've got no willpower, but I've quit smoking loads of times.

I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away.

My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask

I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!