Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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If you see me talking to myself, I'm having a staff meeting.
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I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.
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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
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I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
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People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.
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TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
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Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
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Pepsi and Coca Cola can't even be in the same restaurant, and we want World peace?
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Dyslexics untie!
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I'm a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
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