Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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My fear of moving stairs is escalating.
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One of the darkest times in my life was when I forgot to pay my electric bill.
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Did I ever tell you about the time I went mushroom foraging? It's a story with a morel at the end.
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I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.
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I'm such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.
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I got a new pen that can write under water. It can write other words too.
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My job is secure. No one else wants it.
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My out-of-office reply should just be permanent.
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Nothing ruins Friday more than realizing it's only Wednesday.
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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
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