Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Where's the best place to buy a surge protector?
At an outlet mall.
I'm not saying I'm old... but when I was in school, we made ashtrays for our parents in art class.
I just quit cold turkey. It's fine, warm turkey tastes better anyway.
It's amazing that baby birds just teach themselves how to fly. Is it hard-wired at birth or do they wing it?
What's a world cup player's least favorite sweater? A red cardigan.
My screen time report came in and honestly I'm not ready for that conversation.