Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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If at first you don't succeed, try doing what I told you the first time.
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Life is short. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake. Take the trip.
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Cool story. Remind me when to laugh.
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I need new haters. The old ones became fans.
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I'm just a vibe at this point.
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I'm 97% sure you don't like me. But I'm 100% sure I don't care.
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My phone dies faster than my motivation.
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Today's mood: somewhere between a 'meh' and a yawn.
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If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
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Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
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