Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Had to get my knitting needles fixed. They just didn't seam right.

A friend just gave me a packet of sugar as a gift. I thought it was very sweet.

The happier you are the more beautiful you become.

The fact that we call them "Earth worms" implies that there's another planet inhabited by a different type of worm…

If you can't stop thinking about someone's update, that's called 'status cling.'

I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths

I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.

My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch.

If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.