Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Everyone I know is a 'snack getting stuck in a vending machine' away from total collapse.
The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
I'm like an avocado: I'm only pleasant for a short period of time, and it's up to you to figure out when that is.
I like eating Nerds because I'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel.
I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.
You look like I need a drink.
My wallet is like an onion - when I open it, it makes me cry
Anything is possible when you don't know what you’re talking about.
What gets wet when drying? A towel.